lost in translation part II

You know how sometimes you meet someone and it’s just on?  That’s how it is with “Javier”.  Right from the get-go.  I walk in to a club and head towards the dance floor.  He’s standing nearby.  I walk up to him and say, “You look Latin. Does that mean you can dance?” Affirmative. He’s from Spain. And hell yes, he can dance.  I won’t even lie, a man who’s quick on his feet is my achilles heel…

He’s there with friends and there are a few females in the group.  One  of the girls is obviously upset by my sudden presence. After a song or two he goes over to talk to her and appears to be attempting to calm her.  So I start dancing with someone else. Javier looks my way and catches my gaze.  I walk over and place my hand on his back. He reaches back and threads his fingers through mine and gives her a look that to me implies, “It is what it is.”  And back to the dance floor we go.

Once the lights come on, we all head outside together.  The upset girl approaches me and I’m not sure what I was thinking but I say, “You have really pretty eyebrows.  They are perfectly shaped and they frame your eyes beautifully.”  I’m not toying with her. No need to kick her while she’s down. It’s just what  happens to come to my mind  in that moment after I’ve consumed a few cocktails. She’s kind of taken aback but then says, “Well you’re beautiful all over.  And Javier obviously really likes you.  He’s really into you. So goodnight.”  As she walks away from us backward, I genuinely feel sorry for her.  She looks defeated. But I silently reason that it’s probably not the best time to direct her to my blog.

We play musical cars and Javier’s friend takes us to my car and then I take Javier to his.  We sit and chat and I know that we discuss music. That much, I recall. As for everything else, it’s a blur.  Now, how I can remember a trip to NYC that I took a year ago in such specific and minute detail but  how I am at a complete and utter loss for something that happened a month and a half ago is beyond me.  I can only attribute  my amnesia to the fact that Javier makes my brain fog up and causes any  bit of logic and capacity for cognition that I possess to go right out the window and running down the street (as you will soon learn in the blogs to follow).

And don’t you just love beginnings? Holy moly, what a rush. The brain bath. I just live for that brain bath. I’m a self-diagnosed addict. God help me when I’m out for a fix.

We text incessantly.  And chat and message. (He’s called me but I really struggle to decipher his thick accent on the phone. Plus, I’m just kind of awkward on the phone, regardless.)  He starts texting me early in the day on Friday but by that time, I’ve already made plans with a girlfriend and two of our guy friends to kick it that night. (It’s innocent aiiight?) So Javier and I make plans to get together the next during the day. (As I’ve got plans with girlfriends that following night.)  So late Friday night I shoot Javier a text asking him how his night went and he replies with “Hola Linda. __________” (Everything else is a blank. All I see is LINDA).

And I’m thinking, “He must have an iPhone. He’s accidentally sent me a text intended for someone else.”

So I immediately reply, ” Sorry, wrong recipient.”

Well he sends it AGAIN.

But this time my ears get a bit hot and I think, “He thinks I’m someone else.  He doesn’t even remember my name.”

“WRONG RECIPIENT”

So he sends it a THIRD time.

FUCK.  I hope he isn’t one of those guys who’s texting with so many girls he can’t even keep straight who he’s talking to.  He doesn’t strike me as that type.What a let down. Well, I’m just going to call him out on it. (And trust me, those guys are out there & it’s my personal preference to shut them down real fast.)  So I reply, “You keep sending a text to somebody named Linda. THREE TIMES.  MY name is NICCI.”

He replies, “Linda is beautiful in Spanish.”

What kind of game is this guy playing, I think.  Alright, I’ll play along.

And so I text back, “I’m sure her name is beautiful in Spanish, but I’d rather be beautiful in person.”

I’m thinking, Surely, he realizes his mistake by now.  He’s surely at least somewhat embarrassed at this point.

Oh yeah, well he  definitely gets it now (and probably has a good chuckle at my expense). He writes back, “Nooooooo.  Linda MEANS beautiful in Spanish.  Google it. I thought that ‘wrong recipient’ was a phone error so I kept resending the text.”

(Blushing. Bad. Bloody hell, I can be such a moron.)

“Ohhhhhhh.”  Well in that case, say my name say my name.  And you can call me Linda too.

Although, I don’t believe he’s called me Linda since…  Hehehehehe.

Tags: boyfriends, dating, girlfriends, hooking up, love, making out, relationships, romance, sex

“yeah, well i could stand to be unnerved”

Last September, a few months before I started regularly writing about romance, a distant friend of mine messaged me and said, “I went to see Eat Pray Love with my wife tonight. You are so that character.”  Having not seen it, I messaged him back and said, “Don’t tell me that.  I’m already a flight risk.” I did not know what he meant. I still don’t.

Perhaps I am about to find out…

doing my best to move locations

Ya’ll please bear with me during this transition.  Heck if I know what I’m doing.   It’ll come together.

I’ll be at Nicci6.com

xoxo

can you put men & women into 2 categories ? I say Yes.

Chatting with Eric (although this particular photo was not actually taken today)

I was sitting on the patio of the Blue Rose with my friend Eric (actually his real name) earlier today.  We had a lively debate pertaining to my dating theories on how men must be the romantic pursuers.  He finally said, “Can you simplify and make 2 columns- 1 for men and 1 for women?”  I replied, “I’ll simplify it even more.  1 sentence for each. Women, be attractive.  Men, be proactive.”

He chuckled and then nodded.  He could not dispute it.

As we were chatting, my friend “Taylor” texted.

After Eric and I parted ways, I walked across the patio to say hello to Taylor.  As I strolled over,  I had a brief flashback of when Taylor and I hung out a bit last fall.  Now, when I say “hung out” I mean that we really just hung out as friends. We’ve known one another a long time. He’d take me to lunch or dinner.  We took a day trip through the country.  He came to my rescue when I needed it. I helped him pick out a new sofa and forced him to let me take photos of him while he played his guitar.  Very innocent stuff.  Always very innocent.  I noticed right away what a gent he is.  He always opened my car door, never let me pay, just made me feel looked after.  And never made a move.

One night we were hanging out in his kitchen, listening to his records and drinking red wine.  We started talking about relationships and he enlightened me more than I can even say.  He said, “Every man wants to rescue beauty.”  And that just made such sense to me.  He didn’t just convey it in words, it permeated his actions.  He taught me a great deal in that moment. I just remember thinking, “Man, he gets it.”  And then I left town for a while…

He stood up as I approached and gave me a hug.  Involuntarily, I ran my hand down his back and paused when I got to his waist. I literally stopped and thought to myself, “Wow. Did I just do that?” And did he notice? ” I could feel my cheeks flush. We chatted briefly about the fact that he is moving away soon.  I started to say, “Well we should get together and catch up before you go.”  But following my own advice, I stopped myself.  Instead I said nothing.  Taylor said, “Chris is throwing me a going away party on the 22nd. You’ll be receiving an invitation. And not just an Evite. A printed one. I hope you can make it.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there, ” I smiled.  ”I’ll definitely be there.”

Tags: dating, girlfriends, love boyfriends, relationships, romance, sex

this one is for all the ladies in the place with style and grace

I wish I’d written this poem.  It’s been my favorite for years.  I suppose I discovered it at the perfect time, right at the threshold of blossoming beyond the age of 18.  I was visiting my friend Erin’s house, noticed a book on her shelf, picked it up and opened right to the page.  It has stuck with me ever since.  I’d like to share it with you so that perhaps it might become yours too.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.  I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It’s the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can’t touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can’t see. I say, It’s in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, ‘Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Maya Angelou

Tags: confidence, dating, feminism, love sex, maya angelou, phenomenal woman, Poetry, relationships, women

reader Q & A: should I keep trying with this girl or move on?

Question: I recently had surgery and the girl that I’d been seeing agreed to stay with me for two nights to make sure i was ok…after dinner she left never to return again. She’s made dinner plans to “talk” and stood me up twice. Initially this began as official relationship was great for a few months then out of the blue via text msg said she’s unable to be in a relationship. I wrote a nice note that said I enjoyed the time we did have and left it at that. Then she called and said why dont you call me anymore? We had dinner and resumed every bit of a reationship bit without the gf/bf title…..that worked well for about two months……then she showed jealousy and resentment toward me having female friends although formerly she claimed to have liked that i had a lot of close female friends……her last three birthdays were terrible so i chartered a twin turbo Cessna and we stayed at one of her favorite hotels in favorite cities…..all went well, my surgery was two weeks later and havent heard from her since (except the standups i mentioned earlier). Best just to press forward with a healthier soul and drop it?

Sincerely,

Wounded

Dearest Wounded,

This girl is awful. And I mean wretched. She does not care about your well being. The very fact that she left you high and dry while you were down and out speaks volumes. Let’s just look at the facts: she left you when you needed her the most ( I mean, who agrees to take care of her boyfriend after his surgery and then goes MIA?), she broke up with you via text message, she is jealous and resentful of your other friendships, she walks on you and then inquires why you haven’t called, and she’s made absolutely no effort to make amends. Not only has she made no effort, she hasn’t even allowed you to make the effort for her. You cannot fix this girl, dear Wounded. She does not care about you and she doesn’t respect you. She has used you. Now, this might not make sense but I’m going to say this anyway, I don’t want you to take her actions personally. Her actions are not about you. Got it? Now, I want you to stop questioning what you did wrong. You deserve to be treated with love and respect (I’ve met you & you’re great!). She is surely incapable of treating anyone with love and respect. It isn’t about you. She’s just most likely a sociopath. Yes, best to press forward with a healthier soul. Your odds of finding one are 100%.

Tags: boyfriend, break ups, dating, evil women, ex boyfriends, ex girlfriends, girlfriend, love, relationships, romance, sex

reader Q & A: how long should you wait before becoming engaged?

Photo by Robert Doisneau

Q: If you began dating a man that you really clicked with (I know, they all ‘click’ at first either sexually or conversationally) and let’s say you started talking in February, finally did the physical thing in May and he asked you to marry him in August – would you be ready to do it? Would you jump? Just curious!

Dear Just Curious,

Would I jump after only dating 7 months? Yes, I would. But as one of my dearest friends pointed out, this is more of a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of column. Thus far, I have opted not to marry. The right man has not yet proposed to me. (Unless you count that text message proposal but 1.) I don’t know that he was serious and 2.) I haven’t yet decided if he and I are to be romantic). But if the right one came swooping in, I’d consider it. For experience’s sake.

But let’s try and approach your question objectively. You two started talking in February and didn’t get physical until May? Kudos to you. Long distance deal, huh? ; .) Well, the upside to waiting 3-4 months before getting naked is that you have the opportunity to get to know a fella while you’ve still got your wits about you. One of my favorite quotes that I’ve read is “A woman is thinking most clearly before sex and a man is thinking most clearly after.” So the waiting thing is prudent. It lets you evaluate things before your hormones are involved. Because once those hormones come into play, your ability to make rational choices is greatly diminished. (True story.)

As to what’s an optimal length of “courtship”, I don’t know that there really is an ideal time frame. You hear stories of successful marriages where the couple only dated 3 months before becoming engaged and then we’ve also heard the stories of the couple who dated for 10 years, got married and then didn’t make it a year. And what about arranged marriages? No courtship period at all.

But why the rush? Pregnancy? Risk of one of you being deported?All dressed up with nowhere to go? You’ve found a great deal on a venue, cover band, caterer and florist in May? Or perhaps now that you know how you want to spend the rest of your life, you’re ready for it to start right now.

I think the right relationship is really more about timing & compatibility. Sometimes someone just fits. I think it depends on how well you know yourself, the stage that you are in in your life , and if you and your beloved have common values and complementary goals. Do you know him well enough to know that you’re in the same boat and rowing in the same direction? Are you willing to accept him exactly “as is”? Have you seen one another at your worst and still find one another tolerable? Do you have or want similar lifestyles? Do you meet one another’s needs without having to completely contort yourselves into something you’re not? Have you had your first fight and if so, did you come out fairly unscathed or was it a blood bath? Do you enjoy one another’s company when you’re sober?

And most importantly of all, how’s the sex? ; .)

My father, a clinical psychologist, gave me great advice when I was 18. He said, “Nic, before you marry anyone, live with him.” Essentially he was saying, make sure you really know him and still love him. And make sure he feels the same way about you. (And how could he not, Dearest Just Curious?)

I’d take a moment from your passionate swooning and ask the big questions that really matter to you. And then follow your big open heart. And if you find you jumped too soon? Better to regret what you have done than what you haven’t.

Tags: dating, engagement, love, marriage, proposal, relationships, romance, sex, wedding

what’s not to love about etta?

Been listening to a lot of Etta James lately…

the universe conspires…

Now I don’t fancy myself a mystic.  Perhaps I am.  I once read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and for some reason it really resonated with me.  Perhaps it was because it was given to me by  ”Trey” just before he left for Japan.  Although, unfortunately I didn’t read it until after we’d split up.  Or maybe it was because of a conversation I had  shortly thereafter when I met a musician after one of his shows.  We sat on the sofa in the corner of the green room backstage, talking about books.  He asked what I was reading. I said, The Alchemist. By the look on his face, I could tell he approved. Then he caught me by surprise by tilting my small suede cowboy hat back and kissing me on my mouth.  So yeah, I’ve always liked that book in particular.  (Not to mention, that musician.  )

The Alchemist

According to The Alchemist, “The universe conspires to bring about your personal legend.” Essentially it states that everything that happens is guiding you to some greater existence, far beyond your own current comprehension.   I’m kind of hanging my cowboy hat on this right now.   It feels like the universe is battling me in some ways and keeping me planted firmly on the ground.  I’m not supposed to be sitting here all grounded today.  I’m supposed to be elsewhere, unplugged and exploring.  Timing is decidedly not on my side at the moment.  I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. All these seemingly insurmountable obstacles keep coming about.  To the point that it has me saying, “what exactly is the universe trying to tell me?”  Or is it something that I am unconsciously manifesting?  And if that’s the case, what exactly am I trying to tell myself.

If the universe conspires, what does it mean when it just doesn’t cooperate at all?

I have no choice but to sit still for a short moment and figure it out.

navigating those early stages of a new relationship

Ahhhh the new relationship.  Is there anything more exhilarating than unbridled eros?  I love beginnings-so hopeful and fresh.  But if you’re anything like me, you probably find new beginnings a little unnerving as well.  Exciting but also a bit unsettling.  There’s so much uncertainty.  ”Are we seeing other people?”  ”What if I’m on a date with someone else and we run into you?”  ”What are the deal breakers here?”  I mean, we think those things right?  Women think those things.  I dare not say them.  I can’t ever bring myself to say them.  I haven’t ever.  But oh what a rush when right guy says them.  When he says, “I want you to be mine.  Just mine.”…and you have to remind yourself to breathe in and out…

I’m going to take the liberty to speak for all women here.  I think women have a tendency towards loyalty to the man in their life.  If we’re sleeping with you on a regular basis, you can pretty much guarantee we feel a sense of loyalty to you.  Given, that doesn’t mean we’re loyal.  In fact, I would advise to not be loyal until he initiates an exclusive relationship.  But it’s hard, right?  I mean, we kind of have to force ourselves to go out and see other people.  I know I often do.  I know my friends do.  We have to remind ourselves, “He’s probably seeing other women.  I should be out dating others as well.”

But you know, sometimes you just meet someone and you’re attached at the hip.  You’re just in sync and together and it’s very organic.  Seamless. No discussion necessary.

But if you’re unsure, I find that dating around is conducive to keeping your emotions somewhat in check. Because as women, if we’re intimate with you, it takes conscious effort for us to not put our emotions into it.  We don’t have a choice.  Our bodies force us.   You’re less likely to get all hung up on one person if you’ve got a few others in rotation. I find it keeps me from getting swept away.  And is that fair?  All’s fair in love and war right?  I think anything is fair as long as everyone is honest with each other.

I wasn’t very honest the other day.  I said, “I’m not capable of anything exclusive right now.”  That isn’t entirely true.  I’m just afraid…

Tags: dating, love, relationships, romance, sex